Stan's the Man in This Relationship
by ParadoxPoca
Summary: Stan's not really good at fixing problems. But when Cartman acts strange, he just has to help him. But only because they're friends, right? [Experimenting with Stanman. I never write Stan or Cartman, so sorry if it seems OOC]


Huh.

I guess it is pretty strange that I got into this situation; I guess it is pretty strange that I let myself get into this situation. Still, this is happening, and I don't think I regret it.

First, let me explain. Cartman wasn't being... well, Cartman. He was too... nice. No, no, nice isn't the word for it. He was being a decent human being. No 'Poor Boy' insults, no 'Hippie' remarks, and the most alarming thing that happened is that there were no arguments with Kyle. With no shouts of "Dirty Jew!", there were also no yells of "Fatass!", and usually I would appreciate the peace. But today, everything was a little... off.

And I honestly hate myself for it. You see, whenever I see a friend (even a not-really-sort-of friend like Eric) who clearly has a problem, I want to help. I always want to help. But I either try to avoid them, or treat them like a piece of crap. Then later, I'll beat myself up for it. Unfortunately, this happens every time. Because I'm such a pussy.

It's just hilarious, isn't it? Just so funny. So bittersweetly funny.

So, deciding to finally gain some courage, I headed over to Cartman's house after school. Kyle seemed a bit worried, and I passed it off for "Well, he and Cartman hate each other", but Kenny met up with me while I was on my way to Eric's house. He chuckled, and I could almost feel the sadness in his laughter. Ken said that Kyle knows something, but that I'll never know until Eric tells me because "that's just how these things work". I asked him what drugs he was on, and he smiled and walked away with a wave.

I know he's some kind of "Master Observer" who knows everything about everyone, but sometimes I wish I could read him. He has some huge problem, I can tell, but that's pretty much the only thing I can. I'm super oblivious, and Ken's act is pretty much perfect, but I feel like he isn't so... strict with the façade, I guess, when he's with me. It's like he wants help... but he's too prideful to ask.

It's sad, really. But there's nothing I can do about it. Hopefully someone else is able to talk to him. Whether it's his sister, who is pretty close to him, or even Kyle, who's been hanging out with him when I'm busy being stupid, I hope someone helps him fix whatever's happening.

Ah, well. I've gone off on a bit of a rant. Back to the matters of now.

So, I'm over at Cartman's house, and I greet Mrs. Cartman and all, but then I enter his room. I don't knock because even though I am pretty stupid, I know Eric. He wouldn't just tell me. Hoping to find out whatever's bothering him, I pull the door wide open.

And found Eric crying. He was sobbing. Has he been... sad this whole time?

"S-Stan, uh, Hippie crap!" He started off as embarrassed, but quickly exploded into what at least looked like anger and let out a string of curses. I was probably as shocked as him.

Suddenly he stopped. He calmed down in a matter of seconds. It just made me wonder, how messed up is he really? I mean, he's crying. He is one of the most prideful people I know. Secondly, how did he calm down so quickly?! I could really use that ability.

"I think I'm a fag."

"W-What?" Huh?

"You heard me, asshole. I. Am. A. Fag."

I didn't know whether to remain in shock or try to laugh it off. He's obviously joking, right? But, deciding that laughing may not be right if he was serious, I just stood there. I didn't know how to feel. The only thing I recognized as feeling was feeling the silence stretch on. All I knew was that I had to break it. I... I didn't know how to fix this, but I would have to try.

"Is there someone...?" Maybe I shouldn't have.

"Of course, you idiot." I slowly walked myself to the side of his bed and just sat there. Looking at the floor, I tried to think over this a little more. Was he hiding all his fear, or was he really okay about this? I would think he'd be furious about becoming something he would mock mercilessly. I had almost forgotten he just admitted he was gay.

"W-wait. You really like a...?" I probably sounded like a moron who couldn't even finish their sentences, but I truly couldn't at the time. My mind doesn't work well in these situations.

"Did, did you not just hear me? Are you that scared? Do you not..." He trailed off. All I could hear was the last word, which was "me". This wasn't going well, I don't think it could have gone well, but I had to keep talking. I couldn't let this be one of those times where you talk to someone about something awkward then never talk again.

"W-who is it?" Though he may not tell me, I was relieved that I regained the ability to talk in complete sentences.

"I said it earlier, and I'll say it again. I don't care anymore. There's no consequence that I'm not ready to handle, or haven't handled already. Of course, you, idiot."

My head got dizzy at this point. I can't even explain how I felt. It was too much to bear so suddenly, I don't know how he was able to do it.

"I. Oh." Was all I could come up with. Maybe this was good, though.

"I'm guessing you don't want to talk to me anymore."

"No, no... I want to talk to you even more."

And then a new feeling rose in me. Or at least, and old feeling I was finally acknowledging. Was this what dragged me over here? Honestly, I didn't know why I was helping someone like him myself, but I guess I sort of ignored the queasy feeling I'd get around him. Yeah, I did almost throw up around him once. But he was just getting too close to me, and that's gross. Yeah, Kyle saw how nervous I got when I looked over at Wendy and Eric working together, even all the way back in fourth grade. But that was because of Wendy, wasn't it?

And while I questioned my sexuality, I didn't even notice Cartman freaking out. I soon came back to reality when he literally screamed.

"Are you serious?!" He was acting like a giddy school girl. This is not a Cartman I'm used to.

I felt a smile on my face form. I guess I really did like him. Or at least, I'd try to. If he's making me smile already, I'm sure this'll end out almost like a fairy tale. I laughed.

This is not how things in South Park usually are. Then again, there's not such thing as a 'usual' in our quiet little mountain town.

So I nodded. And the next day, he was at school, arguing with Kyle as usual. But this time, I didn't try to stop them. I laughed. And while Eric winked at me when Kyle wasn't looking, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Guess it worked out, huh?" I looked back at Kenny.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess it did."

And that's what happened. I guess I'm... sort of dating Eric Cartman now.

Huh.

But where do I go from here? How will other people react? How do we even... do this? My head is just full of questions.

Yet... I think I'll just cross that bridge when I get to it. South Park is unpredictable, and Cartman even more so. I'll try.

I'll try to make him happy.

So, thanks for listening. Really. Even though you're a book, and books can't listen. I'm just glad to have my thoughts written down, I guess.

* * *

"Stan! Stan, come downstairs. You said you wanted to talk about something. I took out my camera, this seems important."

"Randy, put that away!"

Stan smiled to himself. This family, this relationship, this place, this whole thing is just so crazy to him. _But that's how it's gonna be_, he thought.

"Coming!" He yelled back down as he closed his diary shut.

* * *

**AN: Phew. So. First of all, this all was just flying straight from my mind to my fingers. I'm sorry if the pacing seems a bit too fast, but I was never good with pacing :'c**

**Second of all, I don't know how to explain where this came from. I guess, I looked at a few tumblrs (*cough* sexaholicrus and suhamakitten *cough*) and suddenly got Stanman feels. I don't even remember how I stumbled upon them, I just did. Thank you and curse you for this.**

**Third, I have a few headcanons for Stan. I think he's oblivious, wants to help but doesn't know how, isn't too good with quick-thinking, and is not good at explaining. Yup. I think that's pretty adorable, really, which is good because I'm not a big fan of Stan and I need to give him more attention ;u; Also, that rant about Kenny was totally not foreshadowing to another idea I have. Nope. That would be craaazzyyy. '^^**

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed~ (SERIOUSLY I WASN'T GONNA POST THIS AT FIRST.)**


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